i just have to stay happy and forget those unhappy memories.
he will stay with me and i believe i can get over this with his help.
i need a lot of courage just to bring this up again.I hate to remind myself of this.
The fear to go home. The fear to stay at home. Now its all over but it leave me inside the hole of darkness whenever he is near me. It just remind me of those days where i was almost eaten up and i will back off. Not only that, it also remind me of how i have been thrown away when she believe a evil woman. How i was fool by her again. I cant forget all these but just to put them behind my head, somethings you can never forget but only to put them away. I thought all this will be soon gone when meet new friends who will treat me better. No i was wrong. All these memories scare me. Making me move a step back every time. I hate to think about it. I hate to feel like this when its not my fault. Will the scar stays forever?
I promise i will stay strong and recover.
today morning wake up than went to mac to study. end up i also never study much T.T
meet the parents session like so lame, mum went there straight away complain about scouts =.=
haha..i happily sit down there n listen...
I never feel so sad before..
its like...things arent meant to be like that..
i dun wanna be a *** anymore
i wan to be strong..and solve the problem
i am not alone anymore..i have many ppl by my side
so fear what...dun want be so stupid..
so back off
do u really feel happy for me? from last year onwards thing have already change.u n him.I tried my best to help u..me n u.i dunno why i still accept u when u treat me like this that year. bit by bit it changed. it was u who showed me i am not suit to be your friend.u wan someone better? always telling me u r somewhat better? whenever i try to get close to u, i am pushed away n u went to find others leaving me n her behind? i went to talk to u , and what did u do? telling me that u dun care n u walk away? u change or i change? they all can see u are the one who dun wan to talk to me? u have been calling me ***** since sec 1?with them? do u think i still care? i kept everything inside. u just show me ur attitude. wow? how am i suppose to react every time u do that. so i can only stop talking to u in order nt to see ur attitude? u think, when have u really treat me as a friend? the way u treat others n the way u treat me.totally different.u know yourself i dun have much friends except for the few of u? all this happen when u started only caring about yourself, the day when u just leave the basketball court leaving me n her looking for u.the day where u started to look for ways to get close to him.u went out him with leaving me n her.we didnt say anything..cos we understand..thn cant u understand my situation? on friday, when u push wenwei n say u wanted to sit with me in the bus, do u know how happy i was?i thought maybe is cos i think too much. for the first time i felt so happy with u...now i know..its all fake...tell me..what can i do now? break with him? tell sir i dun wan my rank?
i always hope u can treat me like how u treat others...
is it that hard?
dun feel like updating my blog..
very sick now..throat pain...zzz...
updating photos on facebook
haha...
hope andy see liao wont bash fuming
><
went to changi navy base today..so warm down there...T.T
do a lot of stupid things there also..mei xuan seducing navy soldiers. wahahaha!!!
so funny sia..haha..
hmmm..a lot of things happen..
all haven settle hao..
feel like breaking down..
it's not over...it is always the beginning..this will never end so what am i to u? i person for u to throw around? i sounds like i dun mind isn't? i do mind. who do u think u are....get me back as ur friend whenever u like it? okay..whatever u want. i follow ur way,even if i know its a path of death.if u want to do better n more than me, why not just take over me? i am tired of trying my best to work with u when u r pushing me away. i dunno why did u do that? just to get attention? i can give all the attention to u but pls use your brain n think of others? they might not care cos it wont bother them but somebody who has been ur friend 4 so long like me...what exactly am i to u...i really dunno but come on do u feel better if u know everything?if u are trying to make me like an ass down there than fine, just tell me. dun waste my time..i am tired...pls stop... i also dun understand why will u throw me aside when u have somebody else..am i that invisible to u?i have already give in a lot didn't i? i am falling already.. look around u..if u dun find me one day..maybe its really time for u to look..look if i am still alive..i did not wan to argue with u. some mis-communication i guess. at least things are getting better but pls know that i am lost n i really dunno what to do already. other than trying my best to ease u guys de burden n telling u guys everything i know. i need help. i am not a superwoman.tgt we are everything, i cant do this alone. i need all of u. including u. pls know i am not trying to have one man show...i think we really need to sit down n talk..remember i cant do this all alone if u want the best for our troop...i am falling apart..i need helpi dun like to wear fake masks..i cant breathe in them.. taking it out after i reach home n going down suddenly is torturing.. but i dun know why i can wear masks so well ... tmr will be better.. i hope...
maybe u wont understand i was just trying to get your attention, i may have done the wrong thing.
But u should know i didn't do it on purpose. u didn't tell me your friends didn't know so dun blame me alright. yes, i also didn't forget what u have done to me. sadly, i cant forget. cos of u, i took a long time to heal. maybe u should know, even until now, i stills remember how u throw me away. sorry that i cant forget, but i will let it go. slowly. Are we still friends? i dunno. u must have make the decision. just that i am always the last to know. i Wish u happiness.
exam over le!!! now anxious for the result..ytd went to bugis with evon, fuming, pi yan (nickname:pi xue) n shi fu. haha. evon pronounce her name as "pi xue" , i was wondering who is pi xue.i thought whose nose bleeding lol! Evon n i ytd very blur, lol! dunno what stupid things we do. haha. went bugis walk walk than brought a cute t shirt same as evon de. muhaha! went to take neoprint! evon hug me ehhhh..than andy jealous, wahahaha! he say we lesbian XD
stupid andy, i only interested in him la. not girls ! LOL...reach home around 8 plus..hmmmm..idoit actually want to fetch me home from evon house de..but i say dun want. so tired le still wan come out, i rather u stay at home n rest, told u i will be alright de =) Got a nightmare ytd..the nightmare make me so down today for the whole afternoon..until u told me those words..i feel better after that..but i still feels very weird..
i dun wan to lose u ='(
DOING THAT DAMN PHYSICS PAPER JUST KILLED ALL MY BRAIN CELLS!!!!
very tough paper indeed...sure fail one ..T.T
TMR is chem/phy paper 1..all MCQ de...but i think also fail one la..pass than miracle liao..LOL
let me see what FUNNY things i have done today
hmmm~
1. wake up saw 9 new smses @.@ ( what a surprise!) -.-
2. wanted brush my teeth but cannot find my toothbrush (my mum throw it away =.=)
3.went to look for new toothbrush (found a hello kitty one ) =.=
4. finally finish brushing than knock onto my mum ( too dark cannot see, not cos my mum black hor, is never on lights)
5. brought gummies to help reproduce more brain cells. haha!
that's all ba..lol..the hello kitty toothbrush like for young kids to use de (very small) but bo bian i cant find an adult use one. LOL!
nah..going to study for chem and physics tmr...
killing more brain cells in the mean time...
dunno what to say liao XP
Last night cant sleep sia..end up 2 plus than sleep T.T...
and how the hell andy know my blog ar..
and hor, felicia..my sis now call u "the siao siao jie jie"...nice name hor? haha...i tell her u are the pumpkin than she say " where got pumpkin? her head also not orange colour ~ "
=.="' i totally nothing to say liao.lol! Felicia u wan to explain urself? haha
My pledge crop up again..lol..dunno what singlish i saying also XP
today de SS paper like shit only. so easy. haha. end up i fail jiu funny liao XD but it's possible! cos section A anyhow do only. haha!
so boring, go school for one hour jiu come back liao.waste my time. nothing to do now.
smsing that idiot...miss him till i feel like dying T.T
nothing funny happen today..other than smuggling chewing gum into the examination hall n eat! erm,not eat, chew i mean.. XD...that teacher also dunno..noob...haha
ke lian de Christine..chew that gum for
ONE HOUR! haha.
came back to post again..i want to sleep!! lazy climb to bed XD..
zzz..so boring..dun feel like studying for math..
never eat lunch or breakfast..argghh..hungry..later i go eat ba zhang..muahaha!
=.='''
I miss u till I cry...Lurve U..
DAMN IT! I JUST CANT FORGET WHAT HAd HAPPEN...is this going to stay with me forever? I listen to u n focus on him..it did help.guess just have to let this pass...
i am gonna shake this kind of feelings out of me!!!...i cant stay like this forever can i? no!..i wish u happiness. I am moving on...u must too...move on =)
today early in the morning i down there scolding vulgar liao ._.
cos today is NPCC day. than they doing the commanding..never come tell me! waste my precious time waiting in school..zzz..feel like slapping them...lol...but also good la...dun need go up there scream like chicken XP cos i always use my troat.. just refuse to use diaphragm XD...LOL!
today the history paper like zzz....dunno how to do sia! sure die one...anyhow bomb rubbish inside =.=
math paper de graph question like ....very tough also...arrr..dun care..pass jiu happy liao..
tuition teacher ask me "can pass ma?"
i say "50 50"
she say " 50+50=100! good! LOL!"
i was like =.='''.....know what? Pigs can fly if i can get 100 for my MATHs! lol!
so tired..say want take nap than end up blogging...=.=
talk to heng hui JUST NOW..than she give me surprise hehe....i know liao i also stun lol..hope they last long =)
Heng hui, u n andy also must last long hor! =) haha, just that hor,pls control him a bit..he like always out of control de. =.=...
haix..sometimes things just dun work for me..
i just dunno how to teach my sister! totally no discipline de idoit..zzz..homework dun wan do come di siao me..zzz...sometimes really hate her sia..dunno why me n her so different.
I am just so glad. So glad that u are mine! ^^
sometimes god is just so unfair..
why does things have to turn out like that..
put me at the edge of the cliff
and make me jump..
worse still,make him jump..
maybe he wont forgive me
but it's okay..
i just hope he will be alright...
i dunno how to help him
he's hurt cos of me...
maybe this is why it's hurting me too
and how come i feel like i am facing all this alone...
cant u do something...
u might not know wat to do..
why make me do all the confession...
i told u i am tired didn't i?
nvm..it's over..
i hope...
